Crazy how women can turn even canonically geeky/boring things like Github into soap operas like "General Hospital". You've got to wonder what kind of drama occurs in actual hospitals, with alpha-doctors and nurses side-by-side. I've heard stories.
Of course, it's always the women that make things dramatic. Not the power fetish of the founder's wife, the unwanted advances of coworkers, or the reverting of legitimate contributions to the team's project.
Can't you see past the fact that she's a woman? Don't you see how demoralizing any of this would be?
Can I ask a question about phrasing for a minute? What's inherently wrong with an unwanted advance?
Advances have an unknown state until they're responded to. If she had accepted it, it would've been a welcomed advance. There's no way to know that until you walk up to a woman and say "Hey, I think you're pretty cool. Want to go get a drink sometime?"
If she says no, that's unwanted, but I don't see how it's inappropriate.
As she described it, there were at least 4 problems. 1. Its generally polite to only make advances on unattached people. 2. Going to her home to ask makes it awkward to say no. 3. Not leaving immediately compounded 2. 4. Subsequent behaviour was bad, thus showing bad faith all along.
I'm not saying in this specific instance it wasn't inappropriate.
I'm saying as a general concept, the very phrase "unwanted advance" has lots of implications of sexual misconduct, when it really can just be as simple as a guy asking a girl out, and her saying no. I don't see what's inappropriate there.
Unwanted advance is ok in my opinion. Retaliation after rejection is not. To add complexity, proposing to someone in long term relationship does not make you look good.
> What's inherently wrong with an unwanted advance?
I don't want to be hit on at work. It is totally inappropriate and unprofessional. And if I were a minority in my office I would find it very hard to deal with.
From the article, he did not say "Want to get a drink some time?"
> [He] asked himself over to “talk,” and then professed his love, and “hesitated” when asked to leave.
But she did get hit on at work and started dating a co-worker (I'm assuming the guy she's dating initiated contact). If that was acceptable by her, then this logic about it being "totally inappropriate and unprofessional" is moot.
I do not agree with what the co-worker did in terms of reverting commits and all that, but his initial behavior can be chalked up to all these romantic comedies where the protagonist professes his love for the cute girl and it all ends happily ever after.
All I'm saying is that you can't demonize his initial approach.
>If that was acceptable by her, then this logic about it being "totally inappropriate and unprofessional" is moot.
It's inappropriate for your other coworkers to hit on you if they know you are in a relationship, regardless of whether that relationship happens to be with a coworker. Where her and her partner actually hit on each other may not have been at work.
It sounds more the issue that the guy in question has an extreme lack of social skills.
I've successfully done stuff with co-workers before, but it happened in undertones. I did not go to anyone's house to profess my love. That's creepy no matter who's doing it.
It's sort of analogous to a quantum mechanical measurement - you don't know it was unwanted until you try it.
This is why it's better to make an early advance with some plausible deniability, so you can back off if there's no mutual interest (e.g. backing away: "Ha, just kidding ... what, you thought I wanted to date you for real? That's crazy talk ... we're co-workers, and it would never work out, we're so different.")
Women are a lot more orientated towards relationships and the nuances of such. Lots of reasons why, but basically it is due to the basic psychological differences between the sexes, and society's reinforcement of them through imposed social norms. A very general statement of course, and you certainly can find exceptions... And things are changing, and have been changing ever since 1960s and feminism kicked off.
but it still is a difference - males under 40 (in general) are more orientated towards their status aka power aka wealth aka etc - in order to acquire the prime females... So to expect semi-arrogant king of the world 20-something men who are typically hyperlogical and socially inept (yes, lot of generalization) and who are hell bent on making a mark for themselves to really grok the subtle aspects of social behaviors.... I remember when I was 20-something and I was CLUELESS.
So in other words, yet another story about an extremely immature industry too full of themselves and soaked with money.
Is Github even that important in the largest sense of the word? no, it isn't. At this point in my life, I realize how IT sucks so hard and is in some sense a detriment to the future of humanity. I want to go back to school to become an English major, BTW... the humanities are far more important than this uber-hyper-capitalism we've created likes to admit.
I've known (and know) a few doctors in my time and my wife was a nurse for a while and the answer is... lots. However, in most cases it tends to be short lived or contained to specific episodes due to the high levels of turnover in departments and the very well defined hierarchies and processes in place.
