There's a strong temptation on HN to see the community and perhaps also the mods as lined up against oneself on controversial issues. For the sake of interesting discussion—and, I can add from experience, one's own well-being—it's important to resist this. Such perceptions are easily distorted by cognitive bias: enemies loom larger than friends, negative responses feel stronger than positive ones, you are more likely to notice what you dislike, and so on.
The community does have more bias on some issues, but there's nearly always room for calm, substantive contrarian arguments and minority views. What there isn't room for is the frustrated comments people tend to post when they become convinced that the community is against them. That's the HN equivalent of going on tilt.
Other users respond negatively to the lashing-out aspect, which then gets interpreted as "hostility to my views", "groupthink", and so on. When someone knows a truth that others don't, arguing this way actually discredits that truth, because it gives others a fresh reason to reject it.
As for the moderators, we try as hard as we know how not to let our personal views influence moderation activity, and to keep the latter strictly procedural. I know we don't do that perfectly, but one does improve with practice, and we get a lot of that.
p.s. I'm sorry about your cousin and your friend. I'd feel intensely too in your position.
What? That's not true at all.