Didn't do it (get rich). I have, however, developed panic attacks thanks to open-plan offices (noise isn't an issue, but being visible from behind for 8 hours per day is extremely unhealthy) and been pushed onto a second-tier career track due to the "job hopper" image that comes from a typical tech career. (I leave companies that don't invest in talent, and have no shame about it; but that makes going back to the hedge funds a non-option because they still have dinosaurs in HR who think sub-2-year jobs are a negative.) I feel like those outcomes are more common than "fuck you money" and deserve a voice.
In the long run, the hellish experiences of my 20s are an advantage. I've become stronger. After enough panic attacks (the first sends you to the ER because you don't know what it is, the 101st is irritating and takes 15 minutes out of your day) you stop fretting the petty anxieties that dominate most people. Through adversity, I've traveled from being a socially awkward 22-year-old to someone who can actually fucking lead. It took a lot of pain to get me there.
Age? I'm 31. Everywhere but the Valley, that means I'm still in the game.
No, I'm not happy, but it's not for a lack of money. I make enough. Programmers are underpaid for what we suffer (including subordination to the whims of parasitic, talentless executives 20-75 IQ points below us) but it's the subordinacy and low status and the sheer fucking pointlessness of most of the work that makes it so awful. The money is not great but more than adequate, and I'm not worried about long-term income issues either.
Hi Michael, I came upon your post before and read them with interest. I agree with a lot of what you say re: "programmers being a defeated tribe" and how business doesn't respect coders to work on their craft. However, I don't necessarily agree with your reaction to the problem though.
Not to be patronizing, as I'm younger and have less technical/life xp than you, I'm 27, but you seem to respect the financial services a lot and consider them a "more honest" bunch than VC's, why not go into algorithmic trading for yourself? Knowing how trivial I make it sound, but it just seems like you're the type of the person who respect the merits of one's sheer intelligence, math, being financially/spiritually independent and answering to no one (least of all, management BS?).
Furthermore, in your posts, you seem to care a lot about "respect" (e.g., programmer salary and choice of programming languages in relation to VC salary and business decisions). I've experienced this myself great many times over in scrum project planning, layoff's and politics of CYA; so what you say is pretty much how I feel I could've written and most likely the stories of a lot of people here. But IMHO, we all made a choice to be "mercantile programmers" and had we cared about say, Haskell, Clojure or computational modeling, then one should apply for a PhD program in such or take a pay-cut to work in a research organization.
Again, I agree with you and would like better pay and opportunities to develop my career according to my selfish interest. But for a mediocre person like myself, I don't see how I can get away with everything (can't have the "salary" cake and eat "job satisfaction" it too). I struggle mightily with this but at some point, I have to make a choice that's most important to me, talking abstractly now but concretely, that means choosing better tech/research oriented opportunities over money.
Wouldn't frequent panic attacks warrant a change in workplace? Or at least an attempt from your company to make you comfortable? (This is assuming that you've brought it up to them, which you should do)
Wouldn't frequent panic attacks warrant a change in workplace?
I don't have them often anymore, and they're pretty manageable at this point. When I started having them, there were discernible triggers and they were debilitating. Now they tend to happen at random (but are rare and rarely intense enough to be more than an unpleasant experience) and, 15 minutes later, I'm back to normal.
This is assuming that you've brought it up to them, which you should do
I don't like to have that discussion. Two reasons. One, it would block me from leadership opportunities, anywhere in private-sector technology except R&D (where excellence, instead of reliable mediocrity, actually matters). It could get me a better office, but I'd be the "diva" and never get promoted. Two, most companies see that sort of disclosure as an aggressive move. As they see it, it's the kind of thing you do if you're expecting to get fired, to lock in a severance.
Telling my manager at Google about these issues led him to toy with me for months, and the fallout really fucked up my career.
In the rare case that I have to miss a meeting, I use "headache" instead of what it actually is.
> Telling my manager at Google about these issues led him to toy with me for months, and the fallout really fucked up my career.
I'm really sorry to hear about that. They could have handled things a lot better.
I had my first panic attack a few years ago, trigged by non-work-related stuff. Everyone in my group up to the VP really went above and beyond supporting me through it. Thing is, that support built loyalty. I haven't had a panic attack in years now, but I'm still at that same company because of the kindness and caring the management showed. It was a real spark of that now rare, old-school silicon valley "caring about people" attitude and they showed me by example the kind of manager I want to be.
Also, I know from experience everyone and their brother hands out advice and remedies, but look into Propranalol. It's a beta-blocker with no mental effect and no known long-term side-effects. Public speakers and concert musicians take it to keep the physical symptoms of panic away. It totally blocks the heart palpitations, shaking and sweating. Block the symptoms and the rest takes care of itself - at least it did for me.
In the long run, the hellish experiences of my 20s are an advantage. I've become stronger. After enough panic attacks (the first sends you to the ER because you don't know what it is, the 101st is irritating and takes 15 minutes out of your day) you stop fretting the petty anxieties that dominate most people. Through adversity, I've traveled from being a socially awkward 22-year-old to someone who can actually fucking lead. It took a lot of pain to get me there.
Age? I'm 31. Everywhere but the Valley, that means I'm still in the game.
No, I'm not happy, but it's not for a lack of money. I make enough. Programmers are underpaid for what we suffer (including subordination to the whims of parasitic, talentless executives 20-75 IQ points below us) but it's the subordinacy and low status and the sheer fucking pointlessness of most of the work that makes it so awful. The money is not great but more than adequate, and I'm not worried about long-term income issues either.