I've been there. Go get help now. And when the worst is over, you might have to make some different choices.
I struggled for longer than I thought, I believe that I only recently truly emerged from depression, long after I first considered myself healed.
Light, exercise, socialization and time to unwind are critical for me. I used to "work hard, party hard" and then crash. I learnt that I need
* Regular exercise, preferably outside
* Decent exposure to sunlight, a bright full-spectrum lamp in winter
* The right amount of social interaction, not so much that it drains me, but enough that I do not feel lonely
And I learnt the hard way that a job which does not allow me to do the above on a regular basis (for example by requiring frequent and extended trips) is dangerous.
I struggled for longer than I thought, I believe that I only recently truly emerged from depression, long after I first considered myself healed.
Light, exercise, socialization and time to unwind are critical for me. I used to "work hard, party hard" and then crash. I learnt that I need * Regular exercise, preferably outside * Decent exposure to sunlight, a bright full-spectrum lamp in winter * The right amount of social interaction, not so much that it drains me, but enough that I do not feel lonely
And I learnt the hard way that a job which does not allow me to do the above on a regular basis (for example by requiring frequent and extended trips) is dangerous.