I empathize. Have considered that there are other ways to "snap" than suicide (or violence in general)? Go and do something crazy, something you like. Not something to impress others. You don't need to help African children if you don't want to. You might just want to stay home and play some world of warcraft, that's totally fine. But whatever you do, don't do it to numb the pain, and don't do it for other people, do it for yourself.