Sure, and the pressure some people place on themselves to have a "perfect" wedding. Wedding culture, at least in the US, is completely out of control. The whole thing is a weird (mostly) self-inflicted scam meant to separate people, usually just starting out in life, from their money. As much of their money as possible.

I was talking about this a while back with a co-worker about 20 years older than me: when I got married (around 15 years ago,) we spent like 6 grand, all in. He said 'man, when I got married we used the rec room at our church for free and got a sheet cake from the grocery store.' That would have been in the early 80's. He and his wife are still married, and, so far as I can tell, have not suffered from the lack of a supremely expensive wedding.

Comedian Jim Gaffigan does a bit on weddings - it’s when you get to be a princess. Of course, kingdoms don’t come cheap.

I've been to a few weddings at VFW's in small towns. They were no better (or worse) than the big fancy ones! The couples fared no better (or worse) than any others.

Sounds like mine only it was cheesecakes from Costco and 8 years ago. Also my grandfather officiated as he was ordained so I didn't need to pay a justice of the peace or a minister. Also the ring was from a pawnshope so the diamond was closer to its value rather that the inflated price the diamond cartel would have you pay.

Good on you both! I've often heard that the wedding spend total is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage.

(When the spending is crazy, one must ask what 'for what are they compensating?').

My wife was an only child from a wealthy family; short of destroying the relationship with her mother, we had little say in the cost of the wedding[1]. That being said, it really was a lovely wedding and a good time was had by all.

1: We compromised; the ceremony was all us, her mom planned the reception, with input from us. It is still mind-boggling to me how much her mom was invested; they normally get along fine (both before and since), but I was seriously worried that planning the wedding would destroy their relationship.

$25K on mine. Lasted four years, although that was mostly my fault.

$6K on mine, 17 years and counting. How many more of these anecdotes do we need before can call it data?

Somewhat unexpectedly, [1] which is based on actual university research, reports the opposite: Figure 9 says people who had more guests at their wedding report better marriage outcomes - even after controlling for income, education, race/ethnicity and religiousness.

Of course, if you want to discard the research and stick with your anecdotes, it was partly funded by a charity founded by a guy who believed in 'strong families'.

[1] http://before-i-do.org/

You'd probably want to control for wealth to get good data. Marriage duration is correlated with wealth, and wealthy people probably spend more on everything, weddings included.

[edit] nevermind, the the posted link claims the figures are controlled for several factors, including income and education, which both correlate with wealth.

This is the sort of thing people never really warn you about.

What happened to friends though?

From the article, it seems like the people she was helping generally _had_ friends doing it as well; her role really seems to be more of a combo wedding planner/crisis management thing.

I don't think so. They are very different roles.

WFH happened.

Only related for people whose sole friends are from their work, no?

Friend circles have generally been primarily driven by proximity, with school & work being the main environments. Take away the forced socializing of work and all of sudden you have late 20s people with few or no friends since drifting away from most school friendships.

The pandemic taught me that absent forced social interactions such as work meetings, water cooler chat, etc... it takes deliberate actions to maintain social relationships, more so the secondary relationships. It's just too easy to dive into our work all day without speaking to anyone not in our direct line of reporting.

I think this is also why we feel so betrayed by tech layoffs.

Everyone gets laid off, we aren't special here, but what's a little unusual is that tech employees are highly migratory.

You get out of college, and you move to one of a handful of tech centers, in the US and around the world. And then -- fostered by the company -- you build your new social circle out of everyone you've met at work who is in the same situation of having just moved a thousand miles and started a new chapter of their life. You go out for dinner and drinks after work, you start boardgame nights, you play in a work-based soccer league. Your entire social life revolves around your friends from work.

And then, the company decides to cut headcount.

Tech employees have it a lot easier than, say, factory workers in most ways, when we're laid off. We've probably got more savings, our job market tends to be hotter, and we're not looking for work in one of the two places in town, one of which has already laid us off.

But it really takes a knife to your social circle, which stings, even if you're not the person laid off. I'm not sure it affects people who are working a job in their home town, with all their old friends and family and social activities linked to geography instead of employment, in the same way.

In my professional experience (since before the pandemic), I've been encouraged not to mix work with my personal life. Regardless, even when I ignored this advice and did share personal details and be myself, the interactions have always felt disingenuous. For me at least, being an actual friend and keeping up a professional appearance are mutually exclusive.

I suppose I've personally been very fortunate to remain friends with a lot of people from my childhood, and meet others through them. Even the people I have met through friends only recently, feel more genuine than older personal connections made through work. (None of my friends spend personal time with people they've met through work, either!)

Interactions with work people will always have that veneer of trying to look and sound one's best in the professional sense, in protection of one's career. In friendships you shouldn't be afraid to show your flaws, imperfections, personal beliefs, personal history, the squishy parts.