I'm a bipolar Lisp programmer, and I relate to this article a lot.
If anyone else relates too and has not been diagnosed, I am here for any questions at all.
Please, please reach out. It's estimated that 1 in 4 untreated bipolar people commit suicide. This is a physiological disease that is no joke, not a "mindset" or attitude.
You get diagnosed, usually without you having any idea it's coming.
For me, I didn't get diagnosed until this year, and I'm 32. It gets worse as you get older.
It took one hospitalization and a treatment center for me to get properly treated.
Bipolar used to be called manic depression, because it is characterized by two main phases:
Depression: Usually more severe than even Major Depressive Disorder in bipolars. High risk of suicide. Suicidal ideation, inability to eat, complete loss of functioning, etc.
Mania or Hypomania: Periods of highly elevated mood. May exhibit grandisoity, visions, hallucinations, increase in spending and sexual activity. Increase in irritability.
There's mixed states too, like a wired depression that is lethal. They're not as common.
The #1 symptom of all mood disorders is sleep disturbance.
Bipolar for 25 years here: mixed states get more common as you become more tolerant to your medication - frighteningly so in fact. The euphoria that comes with highs doesn't happen as before, leaving you wired and irritable but with the energy to do stupid things to yourself and others.
I haven't ever been suicidal but this last year I've allowed myself to think about it because of the complete pointlessness of just about everything I've done (or more commonly, not done because it was pointless). Sigh.
How long did it take you to get tolerant to your medication?
I went through a round of neurochemically-inspired regret for the things undone this year too. It's not true; it's just a figment of our mood-states. I've found it helpful to remind myself constantly that thoughts and feelings are transient; actions are what really count. So no matter what I feel like, I can still function in some capacity.
Besides, you're on HN, you must be doing something right.
I would guess fifteen years to get tolerant. Of course I might just be mistaking medication effects for creeping age when it comes to lack of programming accomplishments.
If anyone else relates too and has not been diagnosed, I am here for any questions at all.
Please, please reach out. It's estimated that 1 in 4 untreated bipolar people commit suicide. This is a physiological disease that is no joke, not a "mindset" or attitude.