This is a great answer, and similar to mine. I feel there are a couple of things which happen around 35.
- As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American exceptionalism. It's now your turn to do meaning making for others.
- 35 is the breaking point for carrying the old structures which defined your identity. The above plays a big part in that tipping point. You were in a cocoon, which was crafted by society to get you to this breaking stage so that you could create your own reality. The entire time, you were changing. 35ish is the point where things start crashing down.
- Along with the above, there's often another event which helps tip you over. Loss of a relationship and a job will usually do the trick.
- Once you emerge from the cocoon, you're like "WTF?" Where am I? Who am I? What do I do now? The answer is, you're now free, do whatever TF you like! Though this isn't an overnight change. It's the start of a learning process to live in this new existence. It's like you have been born and have to figure out how to walk again, except you have to do this while paying rent.
Maybe not everyone goes through this. But I sure did!
This is a wonderful post, and really represents my lived experience for the past few years. It's like having to start all over again - a complete dismemberment experience - only with 1/10th the energy and 100x the responsibilities (ie: kids).
Your words inspire me and help me to feel that there's an after, because it's been a very long and grueling few years.
Thank you for this post, it strongly resonates with me. I recently went through the breaking point you were talking about.
I think experiencing both disillusionment in being someone special, and realisation of the freedom to choose what I want to do myself while recognising and deliberately taking responsibilities that define my boundaries were a big step forward in my life.
What helped you to pass through this change? Any books, teachings, meditation, etc?
Therapy is a good point, especially if you're in the group where financial position isn't part of a problem. I suspect there's far more people who could benefit from therapy than is currently utilizing it.
Edit: Check out my other comment in this thread as well, I went a bit deeper there.
- As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American exceptionalism. It's now your turn to do meaning making for others.
- 35 is the breaking point for carrying the old structures which defined your identity. The above plays a big part in that tipping point. You were in a cocoon, which was crafted by society to get you to this breaking stage so that you could create your own reality. The entire time, you were changing. 35ish is the point where things start crashing down.
- Along with the above, there's often another event which helps tip you over. Loss of a relationship and a job will usually do the trick.
- Once you emerge from the cocoon, you're like "WTF?" Where am I? Who am I? What do I do now? The answer is, you're now free, do whatever TF you like! Though this isn't an overnight change. It's the start of a learning process to live in this new existence. It's like you have been born and have to figure out how to walk again, except you have to do this while paying rent.
Maybe not everyone goes through this. But I sure did!