If you have the means, consider paying for a personal trainer.

Exercise is all about consistency over a long period of time, and there's a chance you just don't have the capacity (willpower/mental health/...) to do it on your own, and that's ok.

Some people will fall in love with some activity and naturally do it consistently. Others have the discipline to keep grinding. Some have something in between, but many have none of those. That might be you and it was certainly me.

> "Caffeine doesn't perk you up, it just keeps you from calming down."

I have a slightly different experience. I stopped having regular coffee (never had much, only a daily capuccino) about 2 years ago (improved sleep, etc). Every few months now I have a coffee, and when I do it's the best day of my life. I feel invincible, I can keep going for hours without feeling tired (I also have trouble falling asleep later :P). Maybe I'm too sensitive to caffeine, but I'm amazed at how strong the effect is (which is why I try to be careful with it).

For me it’s different. Even a slightly stronger tea makes me anxious and seemingly decreases blood flow to my brain. I don’t know how to explain it but I can feel the veins in my head tightened up. Even a sip of tea wake me right up. I don’t understand how people gulp bunch of french press and espressos like it’s nothing and go about their day.

I’ve noticed the same effect; if I’ve been off the caffeine for a while and have a coffee – it’s great. But there appears to be a negative counter-effect that compounds when it becomes routine.

I used to wonder about the different life paths I could have taken, or could take in the future, and it would make me very anxious. Anxious that I would "waste" my life, that I wouldn't seize the opportunity to make the absolute best of it, that I would fail the only thing that mattered in my existence.

I changed my perspective. In a way I now compare life to what it would have been to never have been born, and it's wonderful. I feel privileged and gifted to have been "given" (metaphorically for me, but it's up to one's beliefs) the chance to live, to experience the truly insane thing that it is to be a human being! Sure, maybe I could've had more, but in a way it's like being upset because you sold your startup for 1 billion instead of 2 billion...

Or maybe it shows how out of touch the old design was (the fact that it had been there for half a century and even folks on HN had never seen it...).

I created an account after reading this, and just want to tell you to hang in there. These times will pass, things will get better, or different, or you'll just gain a different perspective on the same shitty things, or fall in love with some(thing|one) else... Best of luck my friend!